It is never ok to stay silent. When we stay silent we enable people to be hurt.
I found a great article today that really sums up what I have experienced and why poly is no longer for me. This part was the most stunning and explained exactly what I have been trying to figure out in my head for months. I finally feel like someone else understands. I am not sorry for sharing nor will I stay silent about my experience. It is sad to say that our community is full of this kind of poly. I know there are some good people in the community but my experience has been horrendous. Here is that part and a link to the whole article:
“This is not about changing fundamental behavior and sacrificing basic NEEDS – this is about people who cannot delay gratification for a WANT long enough to take someone else’s feelings about their behavior into consideration. They will imply that *any* expectation of consideration for how their actions might hurt someone else is “manipulative” and “controlling”. And I’m not talking about mono/poly paradigm issues here, I’m talking about people who call themselves “polyamourous” and have “poly” partners, but think any expectation of modifying behavior to take someone else’s feelings into consideration is unreasonable. They call themselves “polyamourous” as an attempt to legitimize ego-centric behavior, or because they can’t trust themselves to be honest or faithful. This doesn’t meet MY definition of “responsible” and it sure as hell doesn’t do anything with the “amoury” half of “polyamoury”… Ironically, these are the FIRST people to get upset when someone ELSE doesn’t take THEIR feelings into account. And if you can’t trust yourself, what the HELL are you doing encouraging other people to trust and believe in you?
I’m tired of people claiming to be polyamourous when all they really want is a “guilt-free” opportunity to get their rocks off with whomever is available when they’re horny, without regard to the consequences to the other person, OR their other partner(s). Why not just say you are monogamous but you want the opportunity to fuck around when it suits you? The net effect is pretty much the same.”