This morning I got up and decided it was time to go to the gym and try a water class. I chose this gym because of the pool and I had not stepped foot in it since I joined. The class started at 9 a.m.. As soon as the music started I had some anxiety that somewhere in that play list may be a song that would make me emotional and wished for ear plugs. It turned out really good. The play list was empowering songs that I knew all the words too and it felt great to move my body. When it came time for the cool down and the stretching this song began to play.
As soon as I heard the first few notes my tears started flowing. I was not sobbing. This was a different kind of crying. It came from deep in my spirit. I was feeling myself opening up again. I had been so afraid to feel anything. Parts of me have been closed off for months. The rest of me shut down almost completely on December 15th. It was like pulling up the drawbridge and acting like no one was home when anyone came knocking. But this morning in the water, looking out into the sky with birds flying by and a tree waving in the wind I felt a stirring inside of me that I had not felt in a long time.
I am coming back home to myself.