I really hate Mondays.  I always have.  I have tried to love them.  I have done the fake it till you make it, dressed as best as I could, sang in the shower and smiled so I would feel better and none of it works.  I can remember a time when I loved Mondays.  I know why I feel this way.  I am not doing anything to change the world in the job I do.  I am grateful for my job and I love the place I work for the most part but I keep asking with every single thing I am tasked with “Why are we doing this?”.   I want to really help people.  I do not feel like I am doing that.  I spend 40 hours at a job that is sucking the life out of me.  It was not always that way.  At one time I was very busy on campus doing things for students and I even won an award for my work with students.  But one day a couple of years ago that all changed and I was oppressed and stopped from doing things because it was not something directly for my office.  I stopped caring after that.  Why do people feel they have to put your light out in order to shine?  Can’t we all shine together?  I want to feel that joy for my job again.  For now I am counting the days till I can retire.

I am having a hard time today.  I was having a hard time yesterday.  I cried myself to sleep last night and I woke up feeling like I just did not want to go another day.   I know it will get better.  It has to get better.