I have had issues with depression for as long as I can remember.  I have learned over my life to hide it as much as I can but sometimes I just cannot.  I found this article that I felt explained how my life is much of the time.  People find it hard to believe that I suffer with depression or say things like “you have so much to be happy about.”  I do have so much to be grateful for and I am grateful but it does not stop me from having depression at times that is so deep that I have intrusive thoughts about ending my life.  It is not because of circumstances most of the time.  It is just something I cannot control.  I am even on medication for once in my life but I am having a deep valley experience right now.   I am working with my therapist and my doctor but something has to give.  I cannot go on like this.

https://drmargaretrutherford.com/the-ten-characteristics-of-perfectly-hidden-depression/

Maybe there is some kind of treatment or breakthrough that can help me.  I am willing to try anything.