I am finding that gratitude is the answer to all this pain I have been carrying around. I spent months focused on what I had lost. I was dwelling on the fact that someone who was such a big part of my life was no longer there. I felt confused, lost and rejected. I could not climb out of that pit and I when I would I ended up falling right back in. Part of the falling back in was returning to places that triggered me. As much as I did not want to I had to give up a part of my life that I loved at one point. I know now that it had become our place in my mind and when it was no longer our place going there just broke my heart all over again. I have let go of that. There are other alternatives and I have things to do and friends to hang out with that make me happy. I am focusing on gratitude and taking care of my body. I have been going to the gym almost every day. I am tracking my food and getting enough sleep. Slowly I am feeling better. Two days in a row of feeling good is a great thing for me. I am so grateful for everyone I have in my life who loves me and cared during this whole process. It is not over yet it is a work in progress but I am no longer spending hours sobbing my heart out because I was in so much pain. Progress…. it is happening.