I am finding that gratitude is the answer to all this pain I have been carrying around.   I spent months focused on what I had lost.  I was dwelling on the fact that someone who was such a big part of my life was no longer there.  I felt confused, lost and rejected.  I could not climb out of that pit and I when I would I ended up falling right back in.  Part of the falling back in was returning to places that triggered me.  As much as I did not want to I had to give up a part of my life that I loved at one point.  I know now that it had become our place in my mind and when it was no longer our place going there just broke my heart all over again.  I have let go of that.  There are other alternatives and I have things to do and friends to hang out with that make me happy.  I am focusing on gratitude and taking care of my body.  I have been going to the gym almost every day.  I am tracking my food and getting enough sleep.  Slowly I am feeling better.  Two days in a row of feeling good is a great thing for me.  I am so grateful for everyone I have in my life who loves me and cared during this whole process.  It is not over yet it is a work in progress but I am no longer spending hours sobbing my heart out because I was in so much pain.  Progress…. it is happening.