It is normal to have some anger when you have been wronged. I refuse to beat myself up about that anymore. Being angry is something I have struggled with all my life. My therapist kept saying to me over the last 6 months “when are you going to get angry?” Well, I got angry and now I am ready to let it go. It would be unrealistic to think I will not feel that anger again over the next few months but every time it comes up I will write about it if I need to but the first thing I will say is…..
I am no longer in a relationship with you and I release you to the universe.
So now it is time to focus on me. It is time for me to focus on how I can grow and transform, take the lessons I have learned and level up. I have created a schedule and will start out by taking better care of my body. In addition I will make time for friends I have not made time for. Our friends are so important. The first 5 days when I was hurting I had women come and visit with me off and on and one woman Nina who spent the night with me four nights so I could sleep. Nina is going to have a guest co-blog with me one day soon. The presence of women made a huge difference. The mistake I made in the past was suffering alone. The interesting thing was I did not want to talk about what had happened. I just wanted to be with them and laugh and be distracted and it worked. Never isolate yourself when you are going through a breakup it will only make things worse. It is fertile ground for negative thoughts and emotions that will take you down for a very long time. I know, it has happened to me in the past. I was determined to never let that happen again. I have to say the biggest help has been having my housemate and close friend Keith supporting me and being there all the time. Just knowing he is in the house comforts me. Without him I would not be doing so well. We talk all the time and he is always willing to listen and give feedback. He is also a master at helping to distract me by pulling a book out and talking to me about something interesting. He even watched a Pollywood movie with me. (Pollywood is a thing https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pollywood ) He is also willing to watch a netflix series if it is a good one. Then there is Mr. B short for Mr. Bojangles who went through some mourning of his own but has bounced back the last couple of days and is so helpful to me. That is Mr. B below and this picture of him really sums up what the beginning of this change was like. It looks scary as hell and sometimes you stand there for a bit thinking “Do I really want to do this?” and your stomach feels sick and you feel scared. Once you actually get in the midst of the forest you realize that it is a place of growth, love and safety if you pull those who love you close to you. I am truly blessed to have this little 10 pound dog in my life. I am truly blessed to have true friends and a wonderful life ahead of me no matter how long or short it turns out to be.
So the focus is on me now. I will be blogging about my relationships, PTSD, Anxiety, living life authentically, transformation, my experiences, the Goddess, Tarot, my family, my dog, my housemate, our house, food, my job, art, dancing, exercise, books I read, people I meet, my amazing friends, current events, traveling and sometimes I may need to let some pain out. It is time to let some sun shine through the trees.