The only thing I would change..

I had a hard time today.  I am not always full of anger and I am not always numb.  Sometimes in the middle of the day out of nowhere I get a thought that hangs on until I cry.  That happened today.  I cried because there was one thing I wish could have been different.  I wish I could have had one final night of dancing with him.  Dancing with him was the best part of our relationship.  It breaks my heart to think that the final night we were standing on the edge of the dance floor and I was so happy to be there with him for the first time in a long time…and then I realized what was going on.  I felt so betrayed and broken in that moment that I was too wounded to say…Let’s just dance one more time.  I even shared with him that I wanted to dance with him one last time before he left the house with his things but it never happened because ..well, it is hard to say goodbye.  Our last moment together we kissed and put our foreheads together and for a moment I remembered why I had loved him at one time.  It was not all bad.  It was definitely hard and at times horrible but there were moments of joy and most of those were on the dance floor.  I think that is why losing him on the edge of that dance floor was so devastating for me.   Our relationship is over and there is no turning back and I know I will never have that moment on the dance floor.   It is the only thing I wish I could change.