One month, tears and bluegrass music

One month has passed since I told him it was over.  For the most part I have been holding it together.  Yes, at times I have missed him but because of the pain he had been causing me it has mostly been relief.  I am careful about my music so this morning I put on a bluegrass station.  Bluegrass reminds me of being in Tennessee with my family.   It makes me smile and some of the songs make me laugh.  I was pretty shocked when a bluegrass version of Purple Rain started playing and I was laughing at it when the laughing morphed into sobs.  It took me completely by surprise and I am talking lay on the floor deep from my gut sobs.  I had not cried like that since that first night when he wounded me.   I know that even though I am glad it is over there is a part of me that misses the man I shared my life with for two years.  I cannot deny or bury that.  If I do it will just pop back up at the strangest times like during a terrible bluegrass version of Purple Rain.  So I let myself cry and I did not hold it back.  I feel a little better right now.  I had been feeling so numb and shut down that I felt like giving up.  I cannot give up.