One month has passed since I told him it was over. For the most part I have been holding it together. Yes, at times I have missed him but because of the pain he had been causing me it has mostly been relief. I am careful about my music so this morning I put on a bluegrass station. Bluegrass reminds me of being in Tennessee with my family. It makes me smile and some of the songs make me laugh. I was pretty shocked when a bluegrass version of Purple Rain started playing and I was laughing at it when the laughing morphed into sobs. It took me completely by surprise and I am talking lay on the floor deep from my gut sobs. I had not cried like that since that first night when he wounded me. I know that even though I am glad it is over there is a part of me that misses the man I shared my life with for two years. I cannot deny or bury that. If I do it will just pop back up at the strangest times like during a terrible bluegrass version of Purple Rain. So I let myself cry and I did not hold it back. I feel a little better right now. I had been feeling so numb and shut down that I felt like giving up. I cannot give up.