So I went back to Facebook for over a month. It was great to talk to people and I was happy to get the many messages and connections back I had been missing. I was able to read messages I really related to on a group I am a part of which helped in my healing and I wrote some things to share with others. So for that reason I loved being back on Facebook. But oh Facebook how I can hate you. It is truly like a love, hate relationship. After a short time back on I saw something that broke my heart. I would not have seen it if I had not been on Facebook. I thought I was ok. I thought I was over it. But that is not who I am. When I love I love deeply. I won’t go into what I saw but let’s just say it made me feel my whole life had been taken over by someone else. Now, to be fair that is not true but tell my squirrels that. They have called a national squirrel conference to discuss all the topics in relation to this newest revelation they have made. It’s like RIT up there right now, not enough room and nowhere to park. So I am calling out the big guns to get rid of all this mess going on in my head that is holding me back. I am enacted the following:
- The squirrels will be thrown out as soon as they start chattering in my ear about how I am not good enough and that someone has taken everything from me. I have hired Officer 99 to take care of that for me. For those who do not know the reference, he is the most bad ass notorious parking officer RIT has ever had. His number is retired now but he is still around. I have great respect for him and I know that the one I have created in my mind to get the squirrels in line will be just as bad ass. Get busy 99, there is some illegal parking going on!
- Facebook is being kicked to the curb. I left a message on Saturday saying I would be gone in 24 hours and then the incident happened and I felt I needed a few more days. So it is now Tuesday and I am logging off…thinking of getting rid of it completely. I don’t want to see who is going where without me. I don’t want to start feeling sorry for myself and have the squirrels start a drum circle around me chanting “I told you so.” They are so mean.
- I am going to go full force into my hobbies. I had let them fall to the wayside and then recently I was just feeling frozen because I was not sure which ones to take up again. I will be traveling with my housemate Keith wherever he wants to go. We are also going to be making some films and music in the house. I will be working on the festival. I will be going back to my daily ritual practice and inviting people for ritual. I will be putting lots of energy into a new club with my friend Sara. I am going to work on painting old Mary statues I find at thrift stores to look like Goth Queens (I have two to work on now). I will be focused on my tarot readings, start Tai Chi and continue with the Chorus. So these things should be plenty to keep me busy.
- I am going to spend more quality time with my housemate and my closest friends. My sadness drives me to hide in the darkness of my room for way too many hours. I share a house with the coolest guy in Rochester and I have some major kick ass friends. It is time to invite them into my inner sanctum and bring some light and laughter there.
- I am going to forgive. Wishing destruction on those who have injured me is not going to help me in the long run. It just gets the squirrels in my head trying on military outfits and talking about which hat matches which weapon. If something happened I would feel guilty and just terrible. The natural law of life takes care of the lessons we need to learn and I had some painful lessons to learn. I cannot wish similar pain on others. They have their own path to walk. I trust the universe and I am working on letting that anger and hurt go.
- It is time to focus on me. I cannot spend another moment waiting on something that may not happen. If it does it does, Wonderful! If it doesn’t I will be so busy that after awhile I won’t even think about it anymore. I will practice the art of letting go and not being attached to the outcome.
So that is my plan. Of course the squirrels now have it in possession and are right at this moment studying it so they can make a counter attack. I will need reinforcements occasionally because sometimes it is just overwhelming.
As for all those positive statements people throw my way I already have one I am going to use… If life hands you lemons, throw those fuckers out. Quit complaining and get on with your life.
hmmm…I don’t think that is a bear…but anyway…
It is time to get on with my life.
Thanks for reading my blog. Since I am no longer on Facebook you can contact me by email if you want to talk to me. Goddessphoenixmedusa@gmail.com