Moving on

I know I have talked about moving on for weeks but I must admit I was still holding on to some hope that things could be different.  I spent the entire day yesterday on the couch crying off and on because I was struggling between what my monkey brain was telling me I wanted and what is truly good for my own mental health.  I think this is normal. But I am done with that.  I have to move on.  I cannot ever be someones maybe, or second or third or whenever I have nothing else to do.  I know what that feels like.  It is not what I want for my life.  I want to be loved in the way that I love.  I want to have someone who is happy to see me and considers me a priority.   I don’t expect to be first because we should always make ourselves our first priority however I do expect to be treated in a manner that lets me know I am valued and above all I expect honesty.

I am in a relationship.  I am in a platonic committed relationship with my housemate Keith.  That probably sounds strange but it is what I need in my life right now.  I need someone who cares about me and who is willing to allow me to work on myself.  We are however completely platonic and that works for us.  He is my domestic partner and my very best friend.

So for now I am just going to focus on myself.  I have to get busy doing all the things I need to make myself shine.  🙂