I think it is part of my own natural process to retreat into silence at this time of the year. The problem is that sometimes I fight it and become depressed instead of using it to do the work I need to do. Today I want to examine a fictional character I relate to.

I just had an amazing Krampus Ball. I dressed as an evil winter queen. When I was thinking of this character I kept thinking of the snow queen. I have always loved the story of the snow queen because I related to her. I could easily write a backstory for her. I see her as someone who has been deeply hurt and abandoned more than once in her life. She puts herself in exile to keep anyone from hurting her again. She lives in the cold and in silence. She goes for days without speaking to anyone. Occasionally she rides her beautiful sled covered in furs and sparkles and then scoops up someone to take back to her castle with her. She is kind to them and gives them things but because her own heart is frozen she is not able to open up enough to allow them to love her back. She is always watching for rejection and she is afraid. Behind the mask of being unapproachable is someone who just wants someone to truly care for her. When someone does show love she questions it and eventually she either walks away or pushes them away. Most of the time they just leave.

That is a really sad story to go with this beautiful lonely queen who lives in a castle in the snow and ice. She is not so much evil but someone with a broken heart. I am truly working on opening up but I must admit it is really scary. I also have come to realize I need to broaden my life. My life is very narrow right now. My circles have become much smaller. I need to open up to other opportunities. I am considering what it would be like to go somewhere warm in the middle of the winter for a couple of months. I want to meet people and experience new things. It is hard for me to imagine being away from winter…because I love it. However, I think it is time to step off the cliff like the fool in the tarot and see where I land. I just have to extract myself from the cold and ice long enough to thaw out.