The definition of gossip:

Casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.

Sharing my story is not gossip.  It is telling my truth about what happened to me.

Dating at my age is not fun.  My experience has been I am a fill in until the person finds someone better suited to them.  Men my age want younger women.  Men who are younger than me are interested for a short period of time but always leave for a younger woman.  I am not generally attracted to men older than me and when I am…those guys always want someone 25 or 30 and not a mature woman with life experience.  It is maddening.

It is true what they say.  Once a woman hits a certain age she becomes invisible.  I am tired of being with a man and having him constantly looking through me to the young chick across the room.

My most recent experience was being asked out by a younger man.  I suggested we go for coffee in a public place.  His response? “Don’t you think it would be weird meeting in a public place considering our age difference?  I should just come to your house.”  Which translates to him being embarrassed to be seen with an older woman in public but he would welcome the chance to come to my house and have sex with me.  No thank you fuckboi.   😦

I don’t know what to do about this other than to just sit back for now and try to enjoy being single.  I have much to give in a relationship.  I am loving, attentive and I communicate well.    I have some interesting life experience and I take care of the man I love.  Maybe the real problem is that I love too deeply.   There has to be someone out there that would appreciate me for who I am and would not use me as the in between. I crave a partner that I can do things with and be loved by.  I think I am looking in the wrong places.

I think it is time to clarify something.

This is my story. I think it is important to note “my” story and my perspective in the moment. My perspective will change at times once I have digested something and given it more thought. I will not however hold back from writing because I am afraid I will change my mind or find I am completely wrong.  I believe that being afraid of admitting we were wrong can sometimes paralyze us and keep us from writing.  I am not afraid to apologize if I am wrong or change my perspective. In fact writing is the process that helps me grow and change my perspective.  It helps me to take a hard look in the mirror.  Secondly I want to express what I am feeling when I am feeling it. I want to be raw and open when it is happening because I want others to understand that it is OK to feel. Do not be ashamed of all the natural human emotions that you have. I am doing my best to not be ashamed of what I am feeling. I will not tolerate shaming of myself or others when it comes to this. I may cuss and I may have pity parties sometimes. That is not something I want to do regularly but it is what it is. I will be writing about the past, the present and the future and how it relates to me right this moment. I will be sharing about pain sometimes.  I may get angry and vent.  The bottom line is this is my blog and I made it public for a reason.  I am not going to hide or be ashamed of how I process things.  Writing has saved my life.